Frank Zappa and my Two Cents
When I was younger, and desired to learn to play the guitar, I also read as broadly as I could about the guitarists and musicians I most wanted to emulate. I sought out articles on Jimi Hendrix, and Ry Cooder, and ya know, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and other acts that were both popular and tickled my ear. Prominent among these was Frank Zappa. I’m nowhere near enough of a fan to even claim that I’m a fan. I like the music he made, appreciate that at the time he made it, it was not easy to do so, and that he was amazingly prolific. When I was in college, he died (December of 1993), which I guess was right as I was finishing college. In any event, I was really into how smart he was, and how singularly focused. I found a particular quote from a magazine and I transcribed it and typed it onto a sheet of paper, and then cut it to the right size to fit on my guitar amp, and then taped it on the back of the guitar amp. Turns out, it was from Musician magazine, November 1991:
MUSICIAN: _Eccentricity's got to be an offshoot of being an excellent musician, because you've excluded things for the sake..._
ZAPPA: If you're highly motivated to be a spectacular drummer or guitar player or whatever, other parts of your life will suffer. People looking at you living your life will go, "He's weird," not realizing you don't _give_ a fuck about those other parts of your life 'cause you're focused on something else. The person might say, "Why does he behave like that?" And the answer is, he just doesn't care as much about that other incidental shit as you do. That doesn't make him a bad person; the same thing is true of computer programmers, scientists, painters. When you care so much about one thing, maybe some other stuff slides, like your personal appearance, your breath, your teeth, your wardrobe, your hairdo, your complexion, your desire to engage in small talk, whatever And then other people who really care about things like, "Are you hot?" – hot in terms of acceptability – worry about total acceptance all the time for everything they do.
… So, that was taped to the back of my Fender Squier 15 solid state amp from about 1992 until not that long ago. Let’s say 2016. Good tape!
In doing research for this little vignette, I re-read the article and found this exchange that ended the article:
…
MUSICIAN: _Have there been parts of your life that you've neglected because you've been as absorbed as you are in your music?_
ZAPPA: Well, what am I missing? Do I regret not going horseback riding, or learning how to water ski? Well, no. I don't want to climb mountains, I don't want to do bungie-jumping. I haven't missed any of these things. If you're absorbed by _something,_ what's to miss?
I am not trying to analyze what FZ said. I am only saying how it resonates with me. I had dreams and delusions of grandeur and world-fame, but those never came. So, two things: one, and most important, I do not feel like I could handle the kind of attention and scrutiny that it takes to be truly world famous. I don’t even think I want the mantle that comes with being a local expert. I want to do, and see, and learn things. I am very curious about a half million things. I am wrapped up in my feelings and emotions.
The first response seems to say that a person who wants to become truly great at something is also someone who may eschew some things that a “normal” person would never eschew; stuff like brushing teeth, or taking showers, or changing clothes regularly.
I don’t think it means that those things are necessary traits of someone who was chosen a singular path. Probably symptoms, and not causes.
I never got to the place where I felt like I wanted to push all of my life roles into a single pile, and then set that pile on fire so I could focus more intensely on 1 or 2 very specific things. Instead, I wanted to become a “renaissance man”. Someone who is conspicuously talented at a myriad of topics, and not someone who is “tied” to one particular thing.
What I am getting at is that FZ pointed it out to me long ago… Even though I claimed to want respect / renown / whatever for being a renaissance man, I never really put in the time and focus to achieve that. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that I get so little attention from adoring fans, or requests for quotations in someone else’s story, or offers to help with projects. Nobody knows what I’m good at, because I never became conspicuously obvious about what it is that I am good at, eschewing all other things.
And I read that when I was 20. And the message finally landed while I am 50. Good thing I have a good memory, right?
Anyhow, the other half is also telling. FZ found THE THING that he wanted to do. Almost like 24 hours a day, taking only times out to chain smoke. I don’t have that singular focus. Or maybe I do, but it’s been buried under the piles of this detritus of the 100 hobbies I pursue. You know, so as to not become boring to others. I really want to travel, and see new things, and learn new things. Just, the number of folks who would be standing around who would be standing around at ALL of those things is very very small.
It doesn’t help me case that I often feel like I’m put upon by others. That’s not great.
Anyhow, thanks for trying, Frank. I appreciate it. You weren’t the only one who tried, and I’m sure I ignored dozens if not hundreds of other folks who I read and arrogantly ignored.
Damn, I can be a dimwit sometimes…